What Happens When You: Work, Date, And Try To Stay Away From Crazies
It all goes horribly wrong.
Yeah, who thought it would be a good idea to message me that. We went on one date and this is the intro to the next meeting...
And he spent 6 days without a shower and wanted to meetup. I honestly wanted to ask him to check himself for lice and ticks. But I held myself back since he already killed the mood, I wouldn't have been able to mow it down more.
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So last night I was like I am kind of bored (yeah this is how it always starts), what type of events are happening tonight. So I went onto Eventbrite and I saw that this BSDM studio here had a talk. I was like oh I did the Groupon tour of the studio (which is top rated on Groupon). It was like the same as any LA studio tour, except the sets looked different. The tour itself was fabulous - very informative and sterile like education, it wasn't dirty at all - they just wanted to advocate sex worker rights. So of course I was like oh, okay, I read the syllabus online and it just sounds like information about the differences between 50 Shades of Grey and like the safe version for at home. I was like that is interesting and I haven't been in a relationship in years or gone on a date that maybe it would be kind of fun to learn something. So to me education = knowledge = empowerment (which I def think is true). I also thought that well this three hour event will be in a TedTalk format, like all the other talks I have been going to in the last three months. So I sign up.
Here is how it went 1) They charged singles vs couples way more 2) I get into the room they are hosting the talk They were like: "Are you here as a single or part of a couple?" Me: "I am like uhh I'm a single." (LOL of course) Them: "Okay, well this event is always sold out when we do it, so if you could find an odd number of seated row, it would help with our seating arrangements." Me:"Great, this is going to be a really good talk since it is apparently a best seller. Embarrassing that as per usual, I'm alone and like almost everyone else is in a couple. And that I got called out for being single - even though my ticket was way more expensive. LOLZ." They settle everyone down: "Just an fyi, there will be some live demos." Me in mind:"Okay, they will show ups some bondage instructions I guess? Whatevs" 3) 20 minutes in the host is super informative. Yeah he threw in some dirty words, but I am like uh okay, I guess that should be expected. Stop being a prude. 4) 50 minutes, host has a co host who is a woman and she has no panties on.... I am like "Omg, what is happening." He showed some different ways to lead someone and use clothing as a way to make restraints. Always places not to touch or hold someone for safety reasons. Me: "Okay, I get it, still not understand the no panty rule with the cohost, but like I guess it adds to the validity of this? I guess that is a draw for the live demo-ing? Don't think too hard, you aren't in your element. Just go with it." 5) There was a quick break. I'm like okay, not really what I was really expecting, but like yeah I can totally understand the need to show rules and different ways to be dominant. I guess I should have realized that by just where I am.. Whomp whomp okay well there is only an 1.5 hr left so I guess it will keep going in the same format. 6) HELL NO DID IT KEEP GOING AT THE SAME PACE. STUFF GOT REAL REALLLLL. After the break, all the sudden everything came to light. My version of live demoing meant just showing on a human body or on a demo dummy. NOPE- THERE WAS LIVE HARDCORE FORNICATION DEMOING FOR 1.5 HOURS. That is what they meant in the beginning about "live demoing". I just sat there frozen. Like deer in the headlights. I sank more and more into my chair. I was like "WTH IS GOING ON". Like eveeerrrrything was happening. Anything position, act, it was all out there. I mean at 30 years old I shouldn't be squeamish. But let's be honest, it's been years since I have even touched someone and this isn't what I expected when I thought I was just dipping my toe back into the water. Only I would go in with freaking rose colored glasses. Like wth though! That WAS NOT in the description! 7)I kept trying to distract myself. I tried to take a nap (yeah not with all those sounds going on), looking around (a lot of people had their corporate t-shirts on- loud and proud, good for them), checking my phone (yeah trust me, I wasn't taking photos). Like I didn't want to walk out because I thought that would be just rude, but I tried to keep my game face strong, even though I think it just made me look more uncomfortable. 8) It ended, and I was the first to bolt the heck out of there. To be fair though: - Everyone else was totally into it. Maybe because they were with their partners?? -The hosts were really informative, instructional (clearly), funny, and very open and welcoming. They didn't have any judgement to them so it was a safe place. So I totally understand on a rational level why this is super popular -So like, yeah if you are in a couple or curious about increasing your sexual education - definitely go. But like I wish I had known about what I was walking into. - The perils of getting middle school sex ed classes in the 90's. Like we shown really bad 80's movies about sex. There was a plastic model of what is in the body. And we talked about body odors. So like everything was in cartoon form, grainy, or just like talked about. Yeah, I really wish I had an updated thought or progressive thinking in how they present sex ed these days or especially in adult forms. I am such a puritan for no reason. To add insult injury - It came up on my credit card statement as "ROUGH SEX EVENT" FML Yep, that's right. The first day since last May I have actually tried to do something about getting myself back to work and a crane on the high rise next door becomes unstable. I swear to god we were the last group on the whole entire block radius to be told and evacuated - like everyone else was outside, all the sides of the streets were roped off by cops, and there was a swarm of helicopters - and during all this I am just sitting and listening to people talk about pitching?!?!
So let's recap - A potential deadly situation occurs "randomly" when touch my toe, so to speak, back into the work waters. I think the higher powers are trying to tell me something. Going back to hide in my room. When she procures you a credit card from her account under your name so she can task you with ordering/organizing the Blue Apron delivery services, electrician, online ordering and cleaning services, etc.
I am so appreciative she has figured out a way for me to find meaning in my life. Now I am going to go find a hobby really fast. When Your Slumlord Takes Out A Piece Of Glass Out Of Naked Yogi Roommate's Foot... With A Shot Vac8/21/2015 Such a guy solution.
Slumlord breaks glass, and cleans, like a guy (aka not well) Naked Yogi, is well naked and barefoot steps on a piece of glass and howls for Slumlord to help. Slumlord pries with shitty tweezers and resorts to the shot vac.to suction out the big chunk of glass. Shot vac on foot = glass pulls out of foot. Both smile and say surgery was successful.. Moral of the story: I live with idiots. Yep.. Apparently it is now a thing. He is that comfortable with me. He has given this process a name, henceforth it means it exists.
He has seen more of my panties than any other guy has by far at this point. Part of me is super disturbed. The other part of me is happy he does both the laundry and sorts it for me... I was in the middle of taking an excruciatingly hard 6 hour exam, and during the break I decided to walk down a road to grab a sandwich. Most people stayed at the testing site, but I wanted to be different than the herd... why do I do this to myself. While grabbing my sandwich, outside, I definitely saw a tourist lying on sidewalk. Firemen came, tried to hook stuff up to her. They put a yellow sheet over her... Yeah, none responsive... They cart her away. I am pretty sure she was dead. Anyways this isn't the first time I have seen a dead body (just in different cities). I am starting to think I am a magnet for that creepy stuff. And I still had 3 hours of exam time left to deal with. So yeah, how to make bad day worse, just come with me. On the way home, I took the bus, and since they were doing work on the transit tunnel, we had to use the street level to get back. We passed a big he/she (? not sure which one) in a long purple dress with a cross the size of a street sign over his/her shoulder with what looked to be a mob with him/her. Next to that was a fight between two homeless men with dodgy people placing bets. All I could think was I JUST WANT TO GO BACK ACROSS THE RIVER TO MY SAFE PLACE WITH MY EXHIBITIONIST ROOMMATE AND MY OVERLY LOUD SEX NOISE ROOMMATE. So in conclusion: There are worst than living with these people. I guess I should appreciate them more... All I asked for was for a new summer look. I guess it is different from my no makeup makeup look.
I felt bad because she really liked what she did so I walked out with it all on. MAC is super pigmented and super hard to rub off!!!! |
AubreyA girl trying to enjoy life on the West Coast without any worries, but odd things just keep happening. Archives
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